| There are three elements to a fulfilling life: | | | | now? That is a really useful thing to do. To have a 90 |
| | | | day outlook gives you some clearly defined achievable |
| 1. Inspiration | | | | goals. Some, like Todd, have suggested that some |
| 2. Destination | | | | flexibility is required in goal setting. |
| 3. Contribution | | | | Sure, set your goals, and then be playful with them at |
| Inspiration | | | | least. Don't forget that life will either throw stuff at you, |
| The first thing you need to make your life fulfilling is | | | | or provide unique opportunities that you simply cannot |
| inspiration. Inspiration makes you get out of bed, into | | | | imagine right now. The greatest and simplest line I have |
| your clothes and out the door. More importantly, | | | | ever read about goal setting is from Og Mandino's |
| inspiration will make you do the best that you can in | | | | famous The Greatest Salesman in the World: "I will |
| whatever pursuit you have. Inspiration will let whatever | | | | consider my best performance of the past and multiply |
| it is you are doing rise above the circumstances and | | | | it a hundredfold." |
| give it a meaning beyond the immediate. Inspired | | | | Can you think of your best performance of the past? |
| people bring others along, attract people and spread | | | | The Spiritual Path. |
| joy in the world. | | | | If you are a spiritual person, you might consider the |
| To find inspiration in your life, you have to find out what | | | | goal setting approach unsuitable for you. Here the |
| the sources are that inspire you. The best way to do | | | | clichéd saying is: The way to make God laugh |
| that, is by having a journal with you at all times, and | | | | is to show Him your plans. |
| write down what lifts you up, what gives you | | | | When you decide to follow a spiritual path, the |
| goosebumps, what propels you to do better than you | | | | dedication and commitment required are stronger than |
| were doing. Over time, you will realize a pattern. | | | | when you follow a goal setting path. You have to |
| In the end, you need to find the source of inspiration in | | | | focus on the journey and you have released the idea |
| yourself. That has to be your ultimate goal. That is why | | | | that you are in control of your own life. |
| you need to keep a journal so that your sources of | | | | There are few people whose example you can follow |
| inspiration can accumulate and provide you with insight | | | | and this society does not reinforce your decision. That |
| about yourself. The source has come from within, | | | | is why it is a good idea to find a teacher of your liking. |
| because that is what you will rely upon in times of | | | | Giving up a sense of control can be thought of in |
| need, stress and high anxiety. That is what you will rely | | | | several ways. |
| upon when your ethics are being challenged, and one | | | | If you are Buddhist inclined, you might decide that there |
| day someone or something will challenge your ethics. | | | | is nobody to have any sense of control. The idea that |
| Here are some possible sources that you can think | | | | there is a central command, and "I", who is in control, is |
| about if you are not sure where to draw inspiration | | | | an illusion. That illusion is the main source of our |
| from: | | | | suffering, because that illusion can only be maintained |
| Parents and friends. It starts close to home. If you | | | | by attaching outside things to it. "I" have a career, a car, |
| have the good fortune to have your parent around | | | | money, a wife or husband. Those attachments create |
| and to be in good contact with them, there is nothing | | | | suffering, so Buddha teaches. |
| quite like the recognition of you by someone who has | | | | Meditation is a central practice for you to let go of the |
| known you your whole life. Only parents can give that | | | | illusion of yourself. If you are a Christian or another |
| kind of recognition which always inspires me to pay | | | | monotheist, you might consider that God is in control |
| close attention to who I am and what I am supposed | | | | and that your job is to discern God's wishes for you |
| to do in this life. | | | | and your life. |
| Good friends are a tremendous source of inspiration. | | | | Again, it is not up to you to decide what you will do. |
| An evening in close conversation or a night dancing to | | | | God will guide you if you know how to seek His |
| great music will lift your spirits like nothing else. You | | | | guidance. Prayer is a central practice for you if you do |
| may not call it inspiration, but it is. | | | | seek His guidance. |
| Extraordinary people. I am thinking about the likes of | | | | A middle way. |
| Nelson Mandela here, my own bishop Yvette Flunder, | | | | Buddha spoke of the middle way. Rejecting both |
| or Barack Obama. Pick who inspires you. These are a | | | | materialism and asceticism, he taught that his followers |
| few of the people who always enrich my spirit. But | | | | should be disciplined but moderate in the way in which |
| pick and let yourself be inspired. Don't be cynical, which | | | | they follow him. I want to suggest a middle way |
| is the coward's way through life. | | | | between goal setting and the spiritual path as I |
| Holy texts. Buddhist texts can be of tremendous | | | | described it above. |
| comfort. I read the bible every day, which at times lifts | | | | As long as you haven't realized God in your life fully, or |
| me up and sometimes infuriates me, but always | | | | haven't shattered the illusion of your ego entirely, you |
| challenges me to think deeply about God. | | | | are probable best of setting some goals in your life. |
| Other texts are possible too. Is there a special novel | | | | Some of these goals include disciplined practice of |
| that will take you to a whole new place in life? For me | | | | meditation and prayer-you want to incorporate both. |
| that was War and Peace. Yes, I read that and loved it. | | | | Other goals, well, you decide. Whichever goals you |
| I love the poetry of Adriaan Roland Holst, whom you | | | | decide upon, write them down. |
| can only read in Dutch. Sorry, poetry is best read in | | | | Yes, I am a broken record, but keeping a journal is |
| your natives tongue, although the Rime of the Ancient | | | | critical. Being self reflective is required for personal |
| Mariner is something special. | | | | growth. Writing down your goals allows you to review |
| Speakers. Can you listen to some people forever?Are | | | | them. Don't be a slave to your goals. Adjust them as |
| there those speakers who just send chills down your | | | | you deem necessary. Perhaps what seemed |
| spine when they come to the lectern. Find those | | | | important one day became less so the next. |
| speakers, buy their tapes, listen to their podcasts and | | | | Perhaps your goals were set to high. No big deal. You |
| listen frequently. Usually you will get several things out | | | | have learned that you need to take smaller steps. |
| of one speech after listening several times. Music. I live | | | | Congratulations and move on. Write them down. Write |
| in San Francisco and my partner and I listened to a | | | | them down as concretely as you can. |
| performance by the Orkestgebouw Orchestra from | | | | Contribution |
| Amsterdam. They performed Mahler's fifth symphony | | | | My father-in-law passed away almost two years ago. |
| and rarely did I hear a more riveting performance. Of | | | | I remember many things about him, but one stands out |
| course, there is a history here. Mahler himself | | | | that he shared with so many men of his generation. |
| performed at this orchestra and for over a century, | | | | Being a part of World War II was the highlight of his |
| great conductors have performed Mahler's music with | | | | life. |
| these musicians. You can hear how the that tradition | | | | It is remarkable to think about that, because 61 years |
| pours out of every note they play. Can you tell, I was | | | | passed since the end of that war. Didn't he do anything |
| inspired. Write your own story about music that | | | | worthwhile since that time? Of course he did. |
| inspired you. There are other sources of inspiration. | | | | I have to break a taboo here. The American Dream is |
| Nature. Nothing like a special sunset, the dew on the | | | | a pipe dream. It doesn't work. The reason it doesn't |
| grass in the morning or a white frosted tree in Holland | | | | work is well known, but you were afraid to say it. The |
| to give you a whole new sense of life. When was the | | | | American Dream is all about individual achievement, |
| last time you visited a great forest and really looked at | | | | working hard, buying a house (in the suburbs) and |
| those trees. They have seen much history. | | | | raising a family. |
| Art. Paintings, sculpture, theatre. These are | | | | But that is not the reason the men of WWII thought |
| tremendously important sources. Cultivate them in your | | | | that that fight was the most important part of their |
| life. Visit the museum to see a great Matisse or a | | | | lives. The American Dream suggests that you can |
| splendid | | | | build a great America by achieving a large house in the |
| As I said, in the end you will have to be your own | | | | suburbs and driving an SUV to go grocery shopping. |
| inspiration, develop your own source. | | | | This is no longer true. |
| Journaling, prayer and meditation. Those are the two | | | | The American Dream is destroying not just this |
| unmatched techniques for developing your own | | | | country, but the entire planet. That is the price of our |
| source of inspiration inside yourself. When you have, | | | | power hungry life style. Everybody wants to be part |
| you will be unstoppable. | | | | of something larger then themselves, to express |
| Destination | | | | themselves fully. |
| The second key ingredient to a fulfilling life is | | | | But self expression for its own sake rarely works. It |
| destination. Destination refers to the sense of direction | | | | works only when you express yourself in the service |
| that you have in your life. Where are you going? You | | | | of a noble goal. Individualism is a false aim. Individuals |
| have heard the old and clichéd saying that if | | | | don't thrive alone, the thrive with others, though not |
| you don't know where you are going, any road will get | | | | necessarily with all others. |
| you there. I want to complicate the way you probably | | | | It is not so much about sacrificing yourself as it is about |
| understand that saying. | | | | becoming yourself. You become yourself when you |
| There are two basic approaches to finding and | | | | express yourself fully in your culture, not apart from it. |
| determining your destination. | | | | We make up for ever decreasing social involvement |
| The first approach features extensive goal setting in a | | | | with ever increasing material pursuit. The Iraq war |
| variety of ways. | | | | demands no sacrifice for those who are not soldiers. |
| The second approach allows for guidance to | | | | But it demands the sacrifices of the next generation |
| determine your destination. | | | | which is saddles with mounting debts. What really is |
| The first approach states that you are the master of | | | | important in peoples lives, what they really cherish is |
| your destiny and the second states that you have no | | | | making a contribution. Really, think about this long and |
| idea about mastering your destiny and asks that you | | | | hard, because it requires a fundamental rethinking of |
| commune with God (however you interpret that word | | | | life goals. |
| is up to you). It is not up to me to tell you which of | | | | The American Dream ultimately is all about yourself. |
| these two approaches you should follow. | | | | But when you are at the end of your life, is the fact |
| The only thing I will say is that you must make sure | | | | that you have bought your own home really what you |
| that the choice for either of these two approaches is | | | | want to think about? I didn't think so. It is your |
| entirely yours. This is so important and you cannot let | | | | contribution to the betterment of this world that is really |
| anybody influence you on this point. | | | | going to make a difference. |
| Goal setting. | | | | You will feel much stronger about your life if you know |
| Can you write your ideal obituary now? Stephen | | | | that you have contributed. Your contribution doesn't |
| Covey is the best known proponent of this approach. | | | | have to be that of say, Nelson Mandela. He is unique. |
| A religious man for sure, he clearly ask you to begin | | | | But what do you remember: your house, or the fact |
| with the end in mind. This is one of the central ideas of | | | | that you brought a life into this world, and helped see |
| his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He | | | | that life develop? Did you make an extra effort |
| asks that you see yourself as you are being buried. | | | | because this child was deaf and everybody thought |
| What will your life look like in retrospect? What have | | | | she was not too bright? |
| you done? Nothing focuses the mind than the | | | | That is an important contribution. |
| realization that we do not live forever. | | | | There is another reason why fighting in World War II |
| Of course to imagine your own obituary is only the | | | | was so important. Not only did these men and women |
| beginning. The real work is in the focused action that | | | | make a tremendous contribution, they put their lives at |
| should follow this exercise. But it is a terrific exercise | | | | stake for the sake of rescuing the world. Again, the |
| that forces you, not only to consider what you want | | | | American Dream states that safety is the first thing |
| accomplish, but also what it is that you want to be | | | | you need to achieve. I want you to be safe, trust me. |
| known for. That is to say, what is the quality of your | | | | But at the same time, am I not correct when I say that |
| life. | | | | you will remember that effort for which you had to risk |
| Once you see the picture of your life, you can then | | | | yourself? |
| begin to shorted the time frame and focus your | | | | That time when you put yourself, your work, your |
| actions more and more. So for instance, what is your | | | | house on the line. What is your contribution to a pursuit |
| goal for your life ten years from now? How about | | | | larger than yourself for which you put yourself at risk? |
| five, years, three, years, one year? | | | | Figure that out and your life will be fulfilling. |
| Now, can you describe your goals for 90 days from | | | | |