| Does God care if I marry a gentile? | | | | Belinda reached for my other hand. "What do you think |
| Even as I started dating a Chinese girl, I knew I was | | | | about our relationship?" she asked. |
| embarking on a remarkable adventure. I just had no | | | | It was the first time we had held hands. Thoughts of |
| idea where and how far the adventure would take | | | | the biblical symbolism of the serpent and the fact that |
| me. The more events unfolded, the more I realized that | | | | she was Chinese pulsated through my mind. At the |
| my view of the world and how I lived in it were being | | | | same time, I was taken aback by her forthrightness. It |
| profoundly and permanently altered... | | | | was only our second date. |
| If the problem with marrying a gentile was that my | | | | I took a slow, deep breath. |
| religion prohibited intermarriage, why should that bother | | | | "As you know, Belinda, I'm marriage-minded. You told |
| me? Perhaps not everything in Judaism made sense, | | | | me you were too. But, I'm not interested in just getting |
| and as an intelligent and thinking individual I could take | | | | married, having children, and leading a normal life. That's |
| from my heritage what I felt was meaningful and | | | | the minimum of what I would expect. I want to reach |
| disregard the rest... | | | | for the moon, grow together with a life-long partner, |
| The possibility that God Himself does not want a Jew | | | | embark on an adventure with this person that would |
| to marry a gentile is not something I recall being taught | | | | make a difference in the world." |
| explicitly. This may be because, even though I believed | | | | The snake began to slither its way up my sleeve, and I |
| in God in my own nebulous way, I didn't take seriously | | | | pleaded for help. I don't recall anything else we talked |
| the proposition that God authored the Torah. For one | | | | about that evening. |
| thing, I considered many claims in the Torah absurd: | | | | * * * |
| that the world is less than 6,000 years old, that Noah | | | | When I met Belinda, I had little interest in religious |
| lived more than 900 years and built an ark to house | | | | Judaism. I was unaware of its unique spiritual treasures |
| the planet's animals, and that a sea parted miraculously | | | | and their relevance to today's world. In fact, like many |
| to enable the Hebrews to escape their Egyptian | | | | of my peers, I had an affinity for secular Jewish |
| pursuers. As far as I was concerned, these were | | | | culture, and that is where it stopped... |
| stories with possible moral messages but not actual | | | | In college and university I took courses in political |
| facts. If the Bible were true, then the theory of | | | | philosophy and became interested in Marxism, |
| evolution, and much of science, must be wrong. In a | | | | Platonism, socialism, humanism, feminism, and any other |
| world where humans went to the moon, performed | | | | "ism" that was popular in academia. I wondered if any |
| brain surgery, and saw and talked to people on the | | | | of them was the key to fixing the world and ushering |
| other side of the planet, I had far more trust in what | | | | in a utopia. I delved into the teachings of Christianity |
| modern science presumed than in what the Bible | | | | and Buddhism. I traveled to the Arctic for a month, |
| stated... | | | | hoping to taste native spirituality. I joined the army and |
| Quest for a Life Partner | | | | sought, but did not find, patriotic pride. I spent two |
| I was expected to marry one of my people. Not to do | | | | summers in Israel working on a kibbutz and |
| so would be a shocking betrayal of my family. The | | | | interviewing the vatikim, or elders, those idealists who |
| prohibition against intermarriage was so ingrained that it | | | | left the relative comfort of their European homes in the |
| was hardly an appropriate subject to bring up for a | | | | '30s and '40s to go to a harsh and barren land and |
| family discussion... | | | | pioneer a new experiment in socialism. At one point I |
| Whereas my siblings sought only Jewish spouses, I | | | | seriously considered moving to a kibbutz and |
| kept my options open. I was not convinced of the | | | | dedicating my life to the principle "from each according |
| necessity to restrict my search for a mate to those of | | | | to his ability, to each according to his need." Later, |
| my religion, especially as we constituted a tiny minority | | | | when I moved to Toronto, I toyed with New Age ideas |
| (a fraction of one percent) of the human population. | | | | and started frequenting an ashram... |
| Moreover, I encountered females, from various religions | | | | Belinda and I began to explore different religions |
| and backgrounds, who were extremely nice, | | | | together, and we frequently talked about spiritual |
| good-natured, and attractive. My motto about | | | | matters. We also talked about Disney, travel, |
| intermarriage, as in other areas of life, was "I'll cross | | | | computers, and Indian food. We were amazed at how |
| that bridge when I come to it." | | | | much we had in common. Like typical romantic |
| Sino-Attraction | | | | couples, we spent most of our free time with each |
| In the summer of 1994, three years after I left my | | | | other, sometimes engaging in juvenile activities. One of |
| parents' home in Montreal and was living on my own in | | | | our favourite pastimes was to go to parks and look |
| Toronto, I met Belinda. I was twenty-nine; she was | | | | for trees to climb. Once we played an entire game of |
| twenty-five. We quickly became friends. | | | | Chinese checkers seated high up on tree branches, |
| "Would you like to see my snake?" Belinda asked, as I | | | | with a bag of snacks hanging beside us. |
| dropped her off in front of her building. | | | | I knew that when my parents found out about my |
| My heart pounded and raced. | | | | latest girlfriend they would vehemently oppose the |
| "Okay," I heard myself saying. I knew that sooner or | | | | relationship unless, perhaps, Belinda were to convert to |
| later she would show me her pet. I hadn't reckoned it | | | | Judaism. I feared being ostracized by my immediate |
| would be so soon. | | | | family. Perhaps on a deeper level, I feared cutting |
| Belinda ran inside and returned shortly with a tiny corn | | | | myself off from my ethnic roots. As painful as these |
| snake tucked into her sleeve. Once in the car, she let | | | | thoughts were, they did not deter me from pursuing |
| me hold it. It was the first time I had held a snake. | | | | the course on which I had already embarked. |
| Instinctively, I applied my peripheral vision to the | | | | If you find these excerpts interesting, you will find this |
| clammy, slender creature in my palm, imagining it was | | | | true story fascinating. |
| some inanimate object. | | | | |