| I have a confession. | | | | compare to how much God must love someone who |
| I'm not as good of a person as I'd like to be. I would | | | | saves the lives of His precious children. |
| love to be a great person, but some times I feel like I'm | | | | Many months ago I had planned on giving platelets for |
| only taking teeny little baby steps towards my goal, | | | | my first time. I figured spending two hours with a tube |
| and other times I feel like I've just taken ten steps | | | | on my arm was well worth it if I am essentially buying |
| backwards. | | | | my way into eternity. I could have then written an |
| And these feelings destroy me. They make me hurt | | | | article about how I started off the Hebrew month of |
| so much inside. | | | | Elul, the month dedicated to teshuvah (repentance) in |
| A while ago I discovered something that I can do that | | | | preparation for Rosh Hashana (the Jewish new year), |
| makes me feel worlds better about myself. I decided | | | | by saving lives. By giving a part of myself. |
| to fight what I consider to be my one and only fear, | | | | But I plan... and God, well, He has His own ways... |
| and give blood for my first time. And I felt beyond | | | | Four points! |
| good. Here I have the opportunity to perform one of | | | | Four points above the maximum level of diastolic blood |
| the highest levels of tzedaka (charity), giving where | | | | pressure, and I'm sent home to write an article about |
| neither the donor nor the recipient known one another. | | | | how painful it feels not to be able to help. |
| Pure selflessness. | | | | And I cannot shake the feeling that if I'm not able to |
| Not to mention the fact that I'm literally giving a piece | | | | help, if I'm not able to start off my new year saving |
| of myself to do the right thing. And let's not forget that | | | | lives instead of doing the wrong things, it's because I'm |
| I can potentially save up to three lives by simply giving | | | | not worthy. It's because it's not what God wants for |
| a half-hour of my time and a day of feeling run down. | | | | me right now. He's not letting me rise up above the |
| My reasoning: Albeit not the most Jewish of | | | | bad that I do. |
| perspectives, I almost felt like whatever Divine | | | | And it hurts so much. |
| punishment I might receive for the bits and pieces of | | | | And all I can do is...try again another day... |
| lousy things I have done and do, couldn't possibly | | | | |