| Involved in an expensive developmental workshop, | | | | there wasn't. But either way, the person perpetuates |
| Chad volunteered first when the facilitator queried the | | | | self-destructive behaviors by keeping their feelings |
| group about their objectives. It was the morning | | | | alive. |
| session of a weekend event that a friend of mine | | | | "The grudge you hold on to is like a hot coal that you |
| was conducting, and she'd asked me to sit-in. So, on a | | | | intend to throw at someone, but you're the one who |
| Saturday morning when I'd normally be sleeping, I found | | | | gets burned." These words by Siddhartha Gautama, |
| myself listening to Chad's frustrations about his lack of | | | | the founder of Buddhism, were written more than two |
| success, his inflexible boss, and his difficult coworkers. | | | | thousand years ago, but are just as true today. |
| What sounded like normal workplace frustrations most | | | | Grudges hijack futures. These self-sabotaging |
| people experience from time to time changed abruptly | | | | emotions weave nets of anger, frustration and |
| when my friend asked Chad if it had always been like | | | | woe-is-me thinking. They devour initiative, digest |
| this at work. "Oh no," he said, "I used to like my job until | | | | positive thinking, and create self-defeating career |
| Mark came." Mark was Chad's boss and had the job | | | | results. As the proverb warns, "If you seek vengeance, |
| Chad thought he should have been given. "I guess I | | | | dig two graves." |
| never learned to kiss-up enough," he said. | | | | People who are winning at working understand that it's |
| As the weekend unfolded, Chad's harbored anger | | | | hard to let go of disappointment, angry emotions, and |
| surfaced. It wasn't just at work where people didn't like | | | | personal grudges. They know it's difficult to forgive |
| him or were "out to get him." Similar oppressive | | | | bosses, staff or coworkers who make it harder to |
| thoughts overflowed his personal life, too. | | | | succeed or put hurdles in their way. And they |
| For ten years Chad had held a grudge against his | | | | acknowledge that work can, at times, feel like a |
| boss and the company that didn't promote him. For ten | | | | contact sport. |
| years, the anger of not getting what he thought he | | | | But people who are winning at working also know that |
| deserved poisoned his view of the work-world. And | | | | holding on to their pain and disappointment only hurts |
| for ten years, he grew more and more the victim in his | | | | them. Keeping their grudges thriving buries their |
| life. | | | | aspirations and their dreams. And fueling victim-thinking |
| I've met plenty of Chad's in twenty years in | | | | blinds them from seeing new opportunities. |
| management and what I've learned is this: sometimes | | | | Want to be winning at working? Put down your hot |
| the Chads are right. There was an injustice done to | | | | coals and start moving toward your future. |
| them in the workplace; and sometimes they're wrong, | | | | (c) 2007 Nan S. Russell. All rights reserved. |