| It turned out that I would have many confirming | | | | Russ was of the human psyche. He encouraged me |
| dreams about training, applying for training, and Jung | | | | to take seriously the utterances of my psychotic |
| himself. Early on, however, my road to Jung was | | | | patient (she claimed her twin babies had been killed by |
| paved not by initiatory dreams or visions (at least, I do | | | | hospital attendants). He taught me to pay attention to |
| not recall any), but by a sequence of pivotal events in | | | | the images and patterns in the unconscious, and to |
| my life. These events have had for me a feeling of | | | | listen to what the soul was saying. Elsewhere in the |
| fate about them, as if I had been led or called in a | | | | hospital, I saw patients being medicated, treated |
| specific direction, one for which I unconsciously | | | | behaviorally, and taught how to relax (having drowsy, |
| yearned. It was as if I had been guided through a | | | | heavily sedated patients led through relaxation |
| dense fog without knowing it at the time--until much | | | | exercises seemed rather bizarre!). But I was most |
| later, when I would be able to identify and choose the | | | | intrigued by Jungian psychology. Still, it wasn't time to |
| path more consciously. | | | | enter training yet. I had other tasks to fulfill first. |
| As background, I must first say that I was clearly on a | | | | I sensed that I needed to begin my psychology career |
| spiritual search throughout my college years. Never | | | | and start earning a living. So I headed out to a mental |
| initiated or grounded in the religious tradition of my | | | | health center in desolate Rock Springs, Wyoming (why |
| parents, Judaism, I was left on my own to explore the | | | | there is another strange twist of fate I will not go into |
| answers to the perennial questions about life. Most of | | | | here). Soon, however, I began feeling pretty sterile |
| my early interests were in Eastern philosophy and | | | | myself. I was empty and depressed. My life lacked |
| practices, such as Buddhism, Hinduism, and Taoism--or | | | | something, but I didn't know what it was. I was lost and |
| at least the Western versions of them taught by Alan | | | | confused professionally, too. I tried my best with my |
| Watts, Ram Dass, Stephen, and others. | | | | clients, but I had learned so many different therapeutic |
| At the same time, I was drawn to the study of | | | | modalities (my Ph.D. program was eclectic), I really |
| psychology, and pursued undergraduate and graduate | | | | didn't know quite what to do in any given case. I |
| degrees in the field, particularly clinical, or applied, | | | | believed in the Jungian approach philosophically, but |
| psychology. For a long time, these two | | | | wasn't certain how to apply it in a practical way. I had |
| interests--spirituality and psychology-- ran parallel in my | | | | gone through a fully accredited four-year doctoral |
| life, rarely touching one another (one exception I recall | | | | program in clinical psychology and yet I still was not |
| was a class at Long Beach State University called | | | | aware of how to work meaningfully with my clients. I |
| "Yoga and Psychology"). Generally, I studied | | | | was experiencing a major identity crisis. |
| psychology in school and spiritual disciplines in my | | | | Fortunately, I found my way out of the Wyoming |
| personal life. When I was accepted for doctoral | | | | wasteland and out of my own barrenness as well. |
| studies in clinical psychology at the University of | | | | Attending a conference in Denver on humanistic |
| Arizona, I requested permission to minor in religious | | | | psychology, I happened to attend a talk by a Jungian |
| studies, but was denied. My advisor matter- of-factly | | | | analyst, Jeff Raff. Once again, something in me felt |
| informed me that my area of study, clinical psychology, | | | | nourished, and I knew I needed to get to Denver so I |
| was already the "softest" specialty in | | | | could get back into analysis and study Jung again. At |
| psychology. Religious studies were simply out of the | | | | first my way was stymied, but I eventually achieved |
| question. He said I needed to pick a "hard" | | | | this goal. Upon reflection, I am impressed with how |
| scientific area in which to minor, like statistics or | | | | auspiciously things worked out--how lucky I was to |
| experimental psychology. So I ended up selecting | | | | move to Denver for a well-paying job, one that |
| something I could live with, developmental psychology. | | | | allowed me both the time and money for analysis and |
| Meanwhile, I fell in love with a woman I met at the | | | | training. In fact, all along the way, things curiously |
| mental health facility where I worked. Among the | | | | seemed to occur just when I needed them to. I got |
| things we had in common were strong spiritual and | | | | money when I required it most. Likewise, when I |
| metaphysical penchants. I discovered that she was | | | | needed time to study, it was there. When it was |
| particularly fond of the writings of Jung, about which I | | | | necessary to have analysands for the control stage |
| knew nothing. I remember her showing me Man and | | | | of training, they appeared. It was a remarkably |
| His Symbols and her prized volumes of Jung's | | | | affirming and sometimes magical process, but not one |
| Collected Works. I also recollect her talking to me | | | | without setbacks and hardship as well. It was |
| about the meaning in dreams. However, I was only | | | | necessary for me to learn to trust the |
| superficially interested in what she told me, focusing | | | | unconscious--and that took many painful lessons. |
| more on getting through my doctoral studies (which | | | | Before closing, there is one dream that deserves to be |
| completely excluded Jungian psychology). I looked at | | | | mentioned in terms of initiation. It actually came |
| her and my dreams with about the same | | | | somewhere in the middle of my formal Jungian training, |
| seriousnessthat I read the newspaper horoscope (i.e., | | | | three or so years into it. But it was an initiatory dream |
| as a form of play). Jungian psychology was something | | | | all the same. I would say that it initiated me into the |
| I was simply not able to grasp at the time. | | | | deeper level of the process--into the mythic nature of |
| Probably the biggest turning point came when it was | | | | the training in which I was involved. I was starting to |
| time for me to leave the university campus and | | | | question what I was doing in training. I had failed one of |
| complete a year-long clinical internship. I conscientiously | | | | my exams and was required to wait a year to take it |
| sought a position with good financial support and a | | | | again. I thought perhaps it was time to stop. After all, I |
| desirable geographical location (I was interested in living | | | | had already earned B.A., M.A., and Ph.D. degrees, and |
| a simple, back-to-the-land lifestyle somewhere in the | | | | had passed psychology licensing exams in Wyoming |
| Pacific Northwest). By an odd sequence of events, | | | | and Colorado. Furthermore, my psychology practice |
| right before the deadline for applications an advisor at | | | | was going very well. Hadn't I jumped through enough |
| school suggested I apply to Camarillo State Hospital in | | | | hoops? Hadn't I completed enough school and taken |
| California. I looked it up in my internship guidebook and it | | | | enough exams? Why was I still trying to satisfy the |
| didn't sound very inviting. It offered the minimal NIMH | | | | "Father?" Couldn't I stand on my own |
| stipend, just $3,600 for the year! Even worse, it was | | | | authority by now? I stewed and thought about all |
| less than an hour's drive from my city of birth, Los | | | | these things. Then I had the following dream: |
| Angeles, to which I had no desire to return. Not to | | | | I am employed as the assistant to an alchemist. There |
| mention the fact that I had already applied to twelve | | | | is a woman helper as well. The alchemist reminds me |
| other locations! "Well," I thought, "I | | | | of Jungian analyst |
| guess I could apply to Camarillo as a back-up in the | | | | Arny Mindell (who was my analyst's analyst, someone |
| unlikely event that all the other applications fall | | | | I thought of as my spiritual grandfather). I am |
| through." "No one would want to go | | | | questioning what we are doing and have decided to |
| there!" I figured. "I know I'll get | | | | pull out. For this, I am considered a heretic. |
| accepted!" | | | | Then the alchemist comes and talks with me. He says |
| A month or so later, rejection notices started rolling in | | | | we have performed only part of the opus. There is still |
| and--you guessed it--I ended up being accepted only | | | | one major stage to complete. He tells me that I am the |
| at my last choice, Camarillo State Hospital! After | | | | only one who can do it. It involves cooking and |
| getting over the shock and disappointment, I resigned | | | | transforming the alchemical substance in alarge |
| myself to my fate, packed up my bags, and headed | | | | outdoor oven or container that looks very much like a |
| out west to Camarillo, California. Soon after arriving, I | | | | huge hole dug in the earth. But there is a problem. The |
| met two psychology interns who told me they'd come | | | | surroundingcommunity considers it dangerous and |
| from far away across the country. They had chosen | | | | illegal, fearing the contamination it could cause. The |
| Camarillo's mental hospital as their first choice because | | | | alchemist says he does not know how to solve this |
| of the Jungian analyst on the staff! I believe this was | | | | problem--that only I can solve it. It is up to me. |
| probably the only internship in the country with a | | | | I awoke profoundly moved by this dream. My doubts |
| Jungian analyst on staff. Well, this piqued my curiosity, | | | | and questions of the days before were entirely gone, |
| to say the least. And the seeds my girlfriend had | | | | and in their place there was a strong conviction that I |
| planted seemed to get a few drops of moisture. | | | | had to continue with the process of becoming an |
| Shortly after I arrived at the hospital, the analyst there, | | | | analyst. I understood from the dream that the training |
| Russ Lockhart, was asked to give a talk to the | | | | program was not about jumping through hoops to |
| psychology staff. He showed the film Face to Face | | | | please the "Father" or achieving yet another |
| and commented briefly on the things Jung discussed in | | | | diploma for my wall. It was a deep (literally, in the |
| the BBC interview. I don't recall much of what Russ | | | | ground!) mythic process of transformation. It was not |
| said, only that I was moved and drawn to it. The other | | | | even for me, really, but for the sake of the alchemical |
| psychologists and interns showed little or no interest, | | | | materia--which I imagined to be the still unrealized Self. |
| but the two east coast interns and I were hungry for | | | | Yet it was only I who could complete the task. |
| more. We collectively asked Russ to meet with us | | | | Unquestionably, the training process of becoming a |
| informally, once a week, over a brown bag lunch, and | | | | Jungian analyst carried new meaning and depth for |
| he agreed. It wasn't really a seminar, but more a | | | | me. |
| chance to ask Russ questions and discuss various of | | | | Finally, the image of the underground alchemical |
| Jung's thoughts and ideas. I didn't understand all of | | | | furnace reminds me that one of the first dreams I can |
| what he said, but what I did grasp made a great deal | | | | recall--long before my interest in Jung emerged--was |
| of sense, much more than what I was being taught | | | | that I was pulling up carrots out of the ground. They |
| elsewhere in the hospital. I just knew, somehow, that it | | | | had big leafy tops above the earth, but scrawny roots |
| was right. It resonated with something inside me. The | | | | underneath. Remarkably, one of the last dreams I had |
| seeds were beginning to sprout. | | | | before graduating Jungian training was that the |
| I started reading Jungian books and articles, and began | | | | process of analysis had taken me deep into my |
| working with an analyst in Los Angeles. At the hospital, | | | | interior; in fact, the image in the dream was that I was |
| Russ instructed our little group in the use of sandtray | | | | literally 10,000 feet under the ground! I had at last found |
| therapy and supervised my work with an adolescent | | | | the depth and grounding for which I had been |
| patient. I remember being touched by how respectful | | | | searching. |