| Our success in life is determined by what we are able | | | | when dealing with it. Therefore knowledge is yet |
| to produce for the society that we live in - and what | | | | another piece in the puzzle of self-confidence. |
| we can produce is directly proportional to our ability to | | | | Experience |
| express ourselves fully and richly. Lack of | | | | Having direct experience is perhaps one of the best |
| self-confidence is perhaps the number one inhibitor of | | | | ways to learn how to handle similar situations in the |
| self-expression for people in our society. You might be | | | | future. You can read all the books you can find on the |
| one of the people who are overly conscious of what | | | | subject of dealing with people - but unless you have a |
| others think, you might hesitate to say things to other | | | | great deal of direct experience in this area - you would |
| people who would really benefit from what you have | | | | still feel uncertain about social situations. Reading and |
| to say. You might be a person who would like to write | | | | gathering knowledge may give you more confidence |
| a book but you don't believe that you are good enough | | | | to take the next step of actually doing things for real, |
| for the task. It's all a matter of self-confidence. | | | | but it will never substitute direct experience. |
| Your self-confidence is primarily determined by the | | | | So how do you get more confident around people? |
| quality of your thinking. The more clearly you think - the | | | | You simply put yourself through a great deal of social |
| more confident you are in whatever it is that you are | | | | situations. As you gain more experience of successes |
| doing. When you are confident in what you are doing, | | | | and failures you will become better at predicting how |
| you feel that no matter what happens in your life, your | | | | any given situation will turn out. It's really that simple. So |
| future will turn out alright. This is because clear thinking | | | | whatever area of your life that you feel you need to |
| leads to a sense of self-control and the more in control | | | | gain more confidence in - determine exactly what it is |
| we feel of our lives the happier we tend to feel about | | | | that you feel fearful of doing and then just go out and |
| our circumstances. There are several ways to reach | | | | do it. If you succeed you will be happy - if you fail you |
| this sense of self-control and self-mastery. | | | | will be wise. |
| The basic self confidence formula looks like this: | | | | When I first wanted to gain more confidence around |
| Detachment + Knowledge + Experience + Goals = | | | | people I went dancing. It was a very nice way to go |
| Self Confidence | | | | about learning how to interact with people because it |
| Detachment | | | | did not require much talking. I would simply dance and |
| This is a concept that is taught by eastern religions and | | | | occasionally say a word to the person I was dancing |
| is described in more detail in a book called Thick Face | | | | with. Later I did direct sales face to face and that |
| Black Heart by Chin-Ning Chu. What detachment | | | | experience completely eliminated all the fears that I |
| means is that you detach your emotions from your | | | | ever had of dealing with people. |
| physical circumstances and outside influences. What | | | | Goals |
| this allows you to do is determine exactly how you | | | | Finally, the last ingredient in this self-confidence formula |
| want to feel regardless of what is happening to you at | | | | is having your own goals and knowing exactly what |
| any given time. Through detachment you become the | | | | you want out of life. When you know what you want, |
| master of your emotional state. | | | | you will act from the standpoint of your goals and you |
| This is indeed quite a powerful concept because it | | | | will find it a lot easier to keep going and taking the |
| actually enables you to move forward in the direction | | | | actions necessary that will ultimately lead you to your |
| of your goals regardless of how many failures you | | | | success. |
| encounter along the way. Because you are emotionally | | | | Setting goals is about clarifying what you really want in |
| detached from the outcomes of your actions, you are | | | | life. Your goals will be your personal goals which have |
| completely oblivious of whether your action succeeds | | | | nothing to do with whether you neighbor has a bigger |
| or fails. You act in the faith that the action will lead you | | | | house or a better car. Your goals are what you |
| closer to your goal, but you do not get emotionally | | | | personally really innerly want in your life with all your |
| moved if the action fails. | | | | heart. Your own goals give you motivation and the |
| The state of detachment allows you to think clearly no | | | | power to take action that will ultimately lead you the |
| matter how stressful the situation that you find | | | | accomplishment of your goals. You will never be able |
| yourself in. This is perhaps the hardest state of mind to | | | | to succeed just by following someone else's footsteps |
| master, but once you have mastered it you will be able | | | | - you need to learn how to walk you own way |
| to meet your life's challenges with calmness and | | | | towards your own goals and how to deal with |
| serenity. | | | | circumstances as they arise. |
| Knowledge | | | | The word "success" means reaching your own goals |
| The more we know about something, the more | | | | and living the life that you have always wanted to live. |
| confident we tend to feel about it. For example, the | | | | It means doing what you love to do and be able to |
| more you know about people - the more confident | | | | support yourself while doing it. The study of success is |
| you would feel conversing with them. This is because | | | | the study of finding ways to get what you want. But |
| knowledge allows you to calculate your actions | | | | before you can ever do that you have be absolutely |
| several steps in advance. Do you think you would feel | | | | clear about what it is that you really want in your life. |
| more confident about operating a nuclear reactor had | | | | Final Thoughts |
| you read the instruction manual first vs if you haven't | | | | Putting this all together we have a formula for |
| read the manual and you knew nothing about nuclear | | | | developing the courage and self-confidence to live our |
| reactors? What if the reactor is about to undergo a | | | | lives in our own unique way. To a degree we have the |
| meltdown? How confident would you feel about | | | | ability to determine how our lives will turn out by |
| pressing the buttons on the control panel if you did not | | | | determining what it is we want in life and taking the |
| know what each button does? Of course if you have | | | | first action that we think will bring us closer to that |
| an outstanding ability to detach yourself from external | | | | single most important goal. When we take the first |
| circumstances, then you might still do just fine. But let's | | | | action - the next action is revealed clearly before us. |
| face it - having knowledge would make you more | | | | We do this with an attitude of detachment and we do |
| confident while doing the task. | | | | not really care whether an action succeeds or fails |
| Books have been written on the subject of confidence | | | | because we know that, regardless of what happens, |
| itself. People have studied and taught this subject for | | | | we can always learn something wirthwhile from every |
| ages. Perhaps the most obvious area in which people | | | | action that we take. Through our actions we gain |
| seem to come short of self confidence is in social | | | | experience which enables us to take even more |
| situations. This is because social situations are so | | | | effective actions in the future. We complement our |
| complex and seemingly random that they always tend | | | | experience with the experience of others by gathering |
| to be associated with a certain degree of uncertainty. | | | | knowledge from books and conversations with other |
| The way to gain more confidence in dealing with other | | | | people. This enables us to think even more clearly |
| people is to study people. Read books on how to | | | | when taking constructive actions towards the |
| interact with people - study psychology. The more you | | | | accomplishment of our goals. |
| know about something - the more confident you are | | | | |