A Pastor s Dirty Little Secret

In the past 14 years I've rubbed shoulders with morewhich we entered Bible College. I literally would have
ministers than I can remember. I've talked with ministersbecome a Pastor if they told me I'd never be paid a
of large churches, small churches, and every size insingle penny. I was sold out. But adding a few waist
between. I've hung out with black ministers, Hispanicsizes has helped me recognize now what I didn't then:
ministers, Episcopal ministers, Republican ministers, and18 year old kids suffer from what author Warren
yes, to my shame, even ministers who are YankeeBennis calls "Delusional confidence." We didn't envision
fans. You name 'em, I've probably picked up their lunchthe day when we would have a mortgage payment, a
tab.car with 182,000 miles on it, and one too many smiles
When our conversations move past square footagearound the dinner table that need braces. Thank God
and per capita giving and other things that keep Godfor delusional confidence or we would have bolted to
up at night, we slowly let our guard down and begin tothe local university mid-semester of our freshman
talk from the heart. Inevitably, that's when a wellyear. Nevertheless, and I'm ashamed to admit it, but
guarded secret is shared. For most ministers, it's ayou'd be surprised how many pulpits would be empty
secret they've never shared with their colleagues, theirif someone offered ministers a job similar or better in
churches, and sometimes even their spouses. I know Ipay than their current assignment.
can count on one hand the people I've shared it with.Boredom
Until now.Finally, many a minister gets wanderlust because they
Regardless of how betrayed my fellow colleagues inhave simply gotten tired of the "same ole, same ole."
the trenches might feel by me spilling the beans...I can'tOne minister confided in me that he thinks most of
hold it in any longer. I'm coming clean.those in ministerial ranks change things in their churches
Here it is: sometimes we wish we could quit.simply out of boredom. If most ministers are telling the
There, I said it. That felt pretty good. Ministers, say ittruth, they'll admit there is more fact to that than they'd
with me, "Q-U-I-T. Adios. See ya. Hasta la vista. Outtalike to admit. Now, before you start rolling up your
here."sleeves to throw stones, think about our typical week.
I think you get my drift.Go to office. People. Problems. Study. Lunch time.
You want to know what surprises me? Every time IMore problems. More study. More people. Leave
hear someone tell me they're firing up a resume, I amoffice. Not exactly the job for second-career
always struck by how similar the reasons are for whyNASCAR drivers. We ministers get into ruts. We get
they are taking their hand off the plow.bored. We lose energy. We read the church openings.
Difficult PeopleOn Mondays you'll find us on the mountaintop ready to
Many ministers say they're tempted to throw in thetackle the world, but by Friday at 4:45 p.m. we're
towel or move because of people. Problem people tocruising Too often, to our shame, spending time with
be exact. I remember the first church I served. After aour Creator becomes another "to do" item on
few months I was approached by a man who feltMicrosoft Outlook. Ultimately, after a few years of
called by God to be my accountability partner...withouthiking back and forth from the mountaintop to the
asking me. He offered to take me out to eat one day,valley and back, we ask ourselves, "Is this it? Am I
so I accepted. Little was I prepared for what waswasting my life doing this? Would a move to another
about to happen. Setting down his sandwich he said,church cure this restlessness?" That's not the kind of
"Brian, there are a number of things you are doingthing you want to hear out of the person leading the
wrong, but for the sake of time I've kept my list to 10." Icharge, but more often than not it's the truth.
made the mistake of saying, "Start with number one."My Strategy For Pressing On
Two and a half hours later I left with two things--30%I'm not sure if this will help, but let me share a few
less self-esteem and a really good case for why firstthings that have helped me stay in the game so far.
cousins should never marry.First, realize that no matter how hard it gets, it's only
Like most ministers, I've regularly felt the sting ofgoing to get harder. That may not be what you
difficult people. Looking back on some of thesewanted to hear, but it's the truth. A mentor of mine
situations I've come to one conclusion: in everyonce told a gathering of ministers, "Happiness is to be
congregation there are always 3 or 4 blessed soulsenjoyed like a sunny day." Meditate on that phrase...it
that are there because no other organization in townwill serve you well in our vocation. Look up the number
will put up with them. Yes, I agree that it's hard toof times Paul used military phrases to describe our
overestimate the damage some ministers have donetask. Re-read 2 Corinthians and envision how that
to churches. I own that. I know I've caused my shareletter was written with hands broken multiple times
of pain. But it's also healthy to acknowledge that manypreaching the same gospel we preach. Where in
of God's servants walk with a limp because no-one inscripture did Jesus promise us a balanced, contented,
their congregation had the guts to stand up to apseudo-Buddhist journey? Take comfort in the fact
known troublemaker and protect their leader. It's atthat Jesus expects you to be faithful to your calling but
those times it becomes easy to question whether thenot derive all your joy and satisfaction from your
price is too high, at least for me.calling.
Those Highly Marketable Bible-College DegreesSecond, make a vow. Almost a decade ago I picked
A while ago I stumbled upon one of those well-knownup a book by a Presbyterian Minister named Eugene
job search web sites. Supposedly it is the largest in thePeterson called, Under The Predictable Plant: An
world...matching thousands of employers withExploration In Vocational Holiness. The book literally
employees everyday. I was curious so I plugged in mysaved my ministry. In it he described how in the sixth
education, experience, and the name of the mildlycentury monks were moving from monastery to
prestigious divinity school from which I graduated. Mostmonastery looking for deeper spiritual communities and
ministers will understand my elation at clicking thegreater challenges. Things got too tough or
button and reading a report that pointed me to a long,shallow...they moved on. The problem of restlessness
distinguished career at my local Krispy Krème.became so widespread that St. Benedict added to the
When I've talked with colleagues, the feeling that ismonastic vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience a
expressed is not necessarily one of resentment, but offourth: the vow of stability. My hope is that every
being trapped. Even if they wanted to leave theminister who reads this, regardless of their situation, will
ministry, what kind of job could they get? Could theyplace themselves under St. Benedict's tutelage.
make what they're making now? Is it too late to startThat's my story and I'm sticking with it.
over? Try to remember the vigor and vision with